Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Top 10 reasons to get swine flu

Holy crap this bug is bad. Just when you think you are over it, it comes and facepalms you back to the couch.
I started feeling whoozy on saturday afternoon, then was couchridden sat night, immobile on sunday with fever, then sun night took a handful of pills but the combination of fever/chills kept me awake to 4am, monday was a massive headache and more fever, and today just the headache. Hopefully I can get back to work tomorrow.
But like anything, the time at home and mild delerium that I experienced with the fever has its benefits:
10. Having the house to myself for four days means that I've turned walking around in my undies into a way of life, despite the best efforts of my neighbors.
9. My giant fly problem has been sated by the giant spiders which have arrived.
8. My facebook profile now has a black nigerian female bushwarrior as the profile picture, of which for some reason I find absolutely hilarious.
7. My incomprehensible emails that I have been sending to people under the influence of delerium have lost me even more friends.
6. Toasted cheese sandwiches for lunch.
5. I'm caught up on whats been happening with Oprah, which is basically fuck all apart from her pimping out her other franchises from the comfort of her primary franchise.
4. My friends now give me spesh treatment as some kind of sicko thanks to having three bugs over three weeks (two colds and a flu).
3. I've taken three days off the coding job in Delphi (I mean, what was I thinking taking this job up? Delphi? cmoooonnnn...!!)
2. I've had time to comment insightfully on over 150 youtube videos with brash and intellectual commentaries like ' NOO UR A FAG' and 'LOL U SUK I CULD DO SO MUCH BETA BUT UR A LOOSER LOL LOL' etc.
1. I've got a six pack now, having not eaten almost anything for four days I'm really starting to get that 'concentration camp chic' body thing happening.

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