Thursday, February 24, 2011


Its all about balance isn't it?

Every day is a day full of new things, experiences, memories, learning, teaching, enriching this whole experience of living.

Every day we lose 24 hours of life, walk a little further away from the innocence of our youth, and take another step towards death.

Its all a part of how everything maintains a balance in one way or another.

I've a mixed view of youth.  One part of me misses the wide eyed approach to life I used to have.  Another part of me knows full well that I couldn't go through it all again.  Not for fear, but sheer boredom of having to live the experience again.

What makes an experience just that is the unexpected, and how we react to it.  Change and new things define us as who we are, enrich us as people and teach us more than any of our professors.

When we stop looking for these experiences is when we start to die as evolving, learning, humans.
Wake up tomorrow.  Do something different.  Know that by the end of the day, you will be closer to death, that your youth has faded just that much, and that those wrinkles are from smiling.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Facebook situation

Right off the bat, like a lot of you that have found this page, I hate facebook.
I've signed up when it started, and then deleted my account 6 months later when I realised I had no need for it.  I lived quite happily without it.
Unfortunately, there are some associates of mine of whom refuse to communicate through regular methods, i.e. phone, email, etc and only are contactable thru facebook.  Hence I have a facebook account under a pseudonym so that I can keep in touch with these guys.

Every now and then I have to log into facebook to check messages or whatever and I've found an interesting relationship.  I've accumulated a few people on there, and a lot of them are friends from old workplaces, school or whatever, people that I wouldn't normally give a shit about anymore but I'm not that horrible a person that I'd reject their friend request as it might hurt their fragile egos.
The relationship I've noticed is that the less you actually care about the person, the more often they seem to put up status updates.  The people I want to keep in contact with via facebook never update their page, they seem to use it as some kind of message portal.  Here's some of the noise on there at the moment:

'Had a great weekend!'
- attention cry from old school colleague, evidently she didn't have a good weekend and now needs to feel special again by getting some attentions from others on facebook.  Why not tell us what happened on your weekend so that we don't have to ask you?  Oh wait cause then if you do I don't get trapped in a conversation with you.

'Just dropped the kids off at school'
- do you want me to post up when I take a shit?  Why an update every 5 mins?  Are you important?

'You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow'
- Posting a song lyric?  What am I supposed to do with that information?  Are you listening to the song? Is this what you are feeling?

Is there some kind of setting that gets rid of this crap?  Or should I just keep deleting 'friends' that post up attention whoring antics like the above?  Better yet should I just cut my losses and delete the facebook account altogether?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The unstoppable media machine

I can be quite a negative person. 
I stand by my post of three emotions.  That is all I have.  In order to function normally as a member of society, I construe all other emotions in order to make it look as if I am normal.
Its necessary.  I've already learned how difficult life can be if you are 'different', and it's not worth it.  To be passed over in job interviews just because the secretary who is screening the initial applicants 'got a weird vibe from you'.  To miss out on opportunities just because you couldn't make friends with the business owner.

I'm forgetting my point.
Subsequently, a lot of my behaviour needs to be derived from my surroundings.  From people I associate with, I listen to the way they speak, I watch with interest the facial expressions of those whom have lots of friends, I notice how humans interact with each other.  Through analysis and remembering, I function well now as a normal human being.  By turning on certain traits, I can charm almost anybody.  I can be your best friend in 10 minutes if I want to.  Its an incredible skill to have, tricky, but out of all the education I have, its this that gets me the most work.

As a consequence of assimilation of all these traits, I am basically blotting paper.  I absorb all that is around me, whether I like to or not.
I used to be a very negative person. Over the past 2 months, I've cut all common media out of my life.  I'm no longer so negative.  I'm no longer absorbing the rubbish, the lies, the twisted truths, the hyperbolism and the hype that comes from modern media.

I've realised that most of the stories on the news are unnecessary to live a modern life.  I've learnt that most of the stories on the media are only half the actual truth, and that if one digs deeper you will find there is a rational explanation for why.  I've learnt that instead of a lot of bad in this world, that in fact there is a lot of balance.

Know that there are always two sides to every story.  No one is inherently evil.  The world can be a better place if you look out for your common man/woman.

That violent sociopath whom is about to go on a killing spree might just change his mind if you hold the door open for him instead of letting it slam in his face.

Sometimes good deeds, random good deeds such as giving a stranger your parking ticket when it has a few hours left, can make someone's day.

Do things because you want to be a better person, not because the fear of the wrath of god is with you.

Get your news by asking your neighbor how they are, not from the advertising driven idiot box.  Its funny how I know about the war in Iraq but I don't know what my neighbors name is.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

All the hate directed towards Allyn John Slater

This past week we've seen three tragedies:
The murdering of an innocent girl, Trinity Bates.
The prosecution and very public incarceration of a less than sound person, Allyn John Slater.
The amount of hate in our society becoming apparent and flooding the internet in the form of Facebook hate pages directed against the latter.
Here's something controversial: people like Allyn John Slater aren't born that way.  They are spawned from hate.  We are all born innocent, just like that girl was, but if along the way we are subject to hate, misery, persecution, lack of love, then a monster like Allyn John Slater we can become.

Hate made Allyn John Slater, and now we see more hate directed towards him, and the cycle continues.
I'm not defending him.  I'm just saying setting up or contributing to the amount of hate that is already there is not constructive.  Hate doesn't go away, it stays there, like rubbish, until someone does something about it.  Writing up a Facebook page dedicated to 'the Chemical Castration of Allyn John Slater' just fuels hate, which then continues on its cycle.
You might think its harmless, that you are just venting, but if you 'vent' like that every day, eventually it becomes a habit, then it becomes part of you, just like smokers whom start on 1 cigarette a week become addicts.  Hate is addictive.  It doesn't go away if you blurt it out online, it just manifests itself.  The only way to get rid of it is to understand its source, and extinguish it.

If we apply more of this logic to people like Allyn John Slater, and help them extinguish their hate, then we would have a lot less of these terrible, terrible crimes in our great country.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Chasing your own shadow

Over the years I've given a lot of thought to life, the world, and the reasons as to why we exist.
I've meandered through religion, contexts, cults, and upon taking only what makes sense from all of these sources could only conclude that life must be about personal evolution.
Every second of every day is a chance to breathe in your surroundings, nature, life, death, to listen to your friends, to know what it is you like about them and what you dislike, to remember and learn so that you can then better yourself.  It is only then that you grow as a person, you evolve from a naieve young boy/girl to an interesting, worldy, well spoken centered elder.  Its life.

Over the past two weeks I've spent time in new company, and alone with nature, and alone in reflection of what my life has become.

I've met people with massive egos, and realised the fragility that normally underlies these egos.  I've also realised how transparent and unlikeable having a massive ego can be.
I've also met the converse, the quiet, unassuming types, massively talented but with no need to prove themselves, and realised that with more people like this the world can be a better place.
I've seen nature so beautiful and harsh at the same time, that at surface value looks like a dream, but in reality without shelter could kill a man within hours.
I've put myself close to death intentionally and unintentionally.
I've sat atop mountains, in peace for hours, with a complete empty mind, devoid of thought, chasing nirvana, and achieved literally hours of clarity.

Its all in the interests of chasing another step in personal evolution.
The hardest part is trying to reintegrate with the life I left behind, and dealing with the assumptions of other friends that you are the same person you were 2 weeks ago, when I know now I'm not.

The only thing that is the same anymore, is my shadow

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Fuck Christmas, Fuck New Years.

 Let me clarify:
I don't hate xmas in itself.  I think its great that at least once a year, in the lead-up to xmas, that most folks actually become more polite, say hi back to me when I walk down the street, and generally become more friendly.  The days leading up to xmas when everyone is out buying presents for family etc its busy and can be a bit intimidating, but its actually a good vibe.
Immediately after xmas though, its different.
The boxing day sales seem to bring out the worst in people here in Sydney.  It seems that for four weeks prior to xmas day, thousands of people are actually holding their breath, being nice, buying presents for other people.
The boxing day sales come round and the selfishness that exists seems to come out in full force.  I went to the shopping centre to get groceries, got beeped 5 times by impatient people whom couldn't wait to get to the parking lot to buy some themselves something nice, I got pushed past, walked round, intimidated witha  shopping trolley by a pregnant lady, all sorts.  So much aggression.  So much for being polite. 
It makes me think that the charity and good nature that exists in the lead up to xmas is all just a big lie.  A mask worn by the peoples of this city to appear that they are in the 'Christmas spirit', when in fact they would rather be out buying crap for themselves, themselves, themselves.

I love this beautiful city, but the natures of people in the past few days have really driven me to the point where I'm thinking of moving elsewhere.

When friends you only see once in a while remind you that you 'don't come out enough!' and that I 'should come to a bbq/ fishing trip with me sometime!' and then go on the trip without inviting you, it reminds me that they probably aren't friends.  Then why lie?  Shit, if I don't like you, and I don't want to go, then I wont, and I'll tell you.

When people who know you work with computers every day as a software engineer go to the hassle of asking me about computers, and then basically sidestep my advice and go to someone unqualified because they presumably didn't like my answer (Stay away from the big stores, and gave them the places where I buy gear from, also recommended they consider mac since they will be going to a new OS (Win 7) anyway), they're probably not my friends either.

Yeah, I hate this time of year.  It really brings out the worst in people.

Hey here's a prediction for New Years: millions of people are going to go into the city and get shitfaced, someones going to get glassed, and everyone is going to wake up on New Years Day at 1pm with a splitting headache or a drug hangover.

Fuck that.  I've had that every year for 12 years, and I'm sick of it feeling like groundhog day.  I'm going to boycott the whole fucking establishment, I'm gonna be in bed by 10pm, then I'm gonna wake up at 5am, crank some Slayer, and go for a surf.  I'll start the new year on a positive note instead of trying to piece together the night previous. I don't even know who the fuck my friends are anymore, but I've invited them all.

I'm 99% sure I'll be surfing alone.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Workplace Enthusiasm

I went to a xmas party over the weekend.  I'm no social butterfly and meeting new people takes a lot out of me, mainly cause I have to try so hard to look interested and maintain banal conversation.
These outings are however a necessary part of living in society, and so I put my best effort in most times.  
I find that the best way to maintain conversation is to actively ask the other person a whole heap of questions about themselves.  People tend to love talking about themselves, and will think that you are an interesting person, even if you don't say a word but listen.

I met one chap whom at 34 years had worked only one job in his entire life.  He proceeded to tell me that his place of work (a financial services firm) was the best place ever to work.  I continued to ask him why, and I received a 10 minute soliloquy about about the company culture, how some people 'just don't fit', how he'd never leave, how he feels so great to be part of something as its being built, how he started at the bottom, and how he's so well looked after.

Firstly I was happy for the bloke, but then after a while it felt like I was talking to a religious nutjob, except his religion was company culture.  Its so sad that at his age he hasn't yet realised that every job you work, no matter what company, in what country, or what position, that you are only there to make the company money and keep it alive.
Some may argue that I'm just cynical, but I used to be like him, until I had my spirit broken by not one but three different firms.
You may argue that he is happy, albeit naieve.  When I thought about it, I concluded that no, actually it is me that is happier, as I am living in the reality that I know what the truth is, I have no loyalty to any company as no company has to me, and that I am only around as long as they keep paying me, and pay me well.  I finish on time, take a fat paycheck, all because I let my employers know exactly how much effort I put in, and that I'd quite happily go elsewhere if the money or hours suited.

I wish I could have told the guy the same.  Just quit, see what else is out there.  Inevitably one day you are going to have a irreconcilable difference with a new boss, or the company will take some policy change as determined by the board, and the place will be different.  Your loyalty over all those years will be forgotten in a heartbeat.  All the things you like about the place will be gone, and you will be left there, working 12 hours a day as expected, for a wage that you compromised yourself on because you fell in love with where you work.

Don't be afraid of selling out to the highest bidder people.  There's more to life than just work. 
I haven't sold out to the man.  I am the man.